even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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