And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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