I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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