i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
