I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ruined the universe
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
