We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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