On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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