i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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