I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
