someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
