Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
