In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
