Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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