when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
