who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
