When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
where are my eyebrows?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
