just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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