I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
