Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
