He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
