So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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