dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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