you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
