me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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