I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
