Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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