So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
