morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
