you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
