You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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