I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i need some magic done to my vagina
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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