used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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