Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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