get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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