OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
