That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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