The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
