he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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