I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
