How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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