He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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