Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
