loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
