dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
