Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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