i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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