Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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