I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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