I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
