Im at strip club and am horny
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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