I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
