This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
