I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
