We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
