i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
