i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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