Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
