Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
