yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
