Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
