i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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