why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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