so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
