we have pet lesbian snakes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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