I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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